Blueprint for Victory 2004
Attention Democratic Presidential candidate, whoever you may be, here is your winning platform for 2004: free, unlimited health care for every American resident at the doctor of their choice, with free prescription drug coverage, plus a tax cut for every working American, and “Security with Justice” – all in the context of a balanced budget.
Sound good? You bet it does! So how on earth is it possible to do all this? Pay attention, because this is the important part: it’s not possible, but no one will care that it’s not.
In fact, the more critics object, the more you can paint them as whining pessimists, uncompassionate bean counters or stick-in-the-mud think-tank eggheads. Draw the opponents into arguments over your platform, make your proposals the issue. Let the press call you crazy – it will only enhance your populist credibility. Never ever present details about the plan. Just stick to the script: “free medical coverage for every working American… economic security and national security with justice… Doesn’t America deserve the best?”
It’s heartbreaking to see smart people like Howard Dean, John Kerry, Dick Gephart and John Edwards stuck in a pissing contest over whose plan is the most feasible, or who’s got the wonkiest set of policy recommendations. Newsflash: no one cares! For Democrats who persist in public hair-splitting over economics issues, there might be a job opening at Walter Mondale’s law practice in St. Paul waiting for you after the election is over.
Get the memo: Political debate in this country is no longer about governing. It has departed the plane of mundane reality and ascended to a realm of myth. The only way to win is to have a better myth than the other guy. Bush has pushed “rugged tough-guy individualist” so far beyond irresponsible that rational standards of criticism simply no longer apply. He has become an archetype of a certain pure strain of extreme ideology, tapped right into the main grid of the national imagination.
The Democratic challenger can only succeed by tapping into a stream just as strong, and not being afraid to take it to the limit. He must become living embodiment of “government champion of the little guy” without compromise or apology, and to show as little regard for details and practicality of his platform as Bush does. Otherwise, he will wind up splattered like a bug on the windshield.
Clinton didn’t beat Papa Bush because he had a better platform – he beat him because he had a better myth. Clinton was Elvis. Papa Bush was just the President (and Dole was Pat Boone in drag). Elvis has now left the building, so the Dems have to look elsewhere. But if they have any hope of reclaiming the White House, it won’t be with better ideas. All those bright debating club honor students on the campaign trail better get that through their heads, and fast.
Logic? Coherent philosophy? Save ‘em for the op-ed writers. Thomas Jefferson is not on the ballot this election – it’s Benito Mussolini, and the only one who can beat him at his own game is Huey Long.
9:26:19 PM 
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